he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Randomize
