we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
