I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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