Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
