Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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