Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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