I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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