Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize