I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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