how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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