i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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