I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
As shirtless as possible
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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