I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Nobody cheats on THIS.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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