i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
