Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
