i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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