hotel room ftw
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
