onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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