i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
