Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize