The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
