She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
