he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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