She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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