***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
