Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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