Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
