my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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