he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You just made me feel so damn special
You work out of a Hotel?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
