god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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