I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize