her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
