it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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