so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
