the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
People in love make me want to vomit
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
