glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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