No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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