So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
