gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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