remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
