My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm having to shit out rocks
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
