just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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