I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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