Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
