so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
