I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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