Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
