I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
