and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
