he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
