Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
