For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
