Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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