And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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