You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
