i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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