when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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