Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
