the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
