shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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