Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
