are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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