dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
