I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
