He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You are a booty call, not a friend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
