im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
