i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
