I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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