is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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