dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
